Twenty-four, and in love.

Because I had to say this, even if no one out there is listening…

I’ve seriously fallen in love with Wang Lee Hom (王力宏), an American-Taiwanese singer currently living in Taiwan.

It may just be a phase, because I’m finally really understanding Chinese music after learning Mandarin in China. But this feels a lot different from my phase with F4, which was a time in my life where I was too caught up in the Meteor Garden series to actually really say that was learning Mandarin. Which brings me to this point, I’m already 24 (turning 25 this year), yet I’m still star-struck  over some pop-singing sensation who has over 25 million people following him on Weibo, and who knows how many others in the Western world, who adore him.

Every time I see him on my computer screen, I just get giddy all over. He’s such an adorable geek. Looking at him, he’s nothing like the normal pop star. He’s cute, but sometimes he’s so geeky and so into what he’s doing, you wouldn’t imagine that he’s actually past his mid-30’s. He puts himself so much into his music, and even though he’s singing pop or some romantic Chinese song, all of it just reaches out to you. The amazing thing about him, besides his ability to sing, is his ability to compose music and arrange the music composition of his songs. As a fellow writer, I can relate to his writing, and admire and envy his talent at the same time. But finding out that he can compose his own music and arrange the composition of the songs he makes, AND he plays musical instruments. I’m just totally head-over-heels. Add to that the fact that he can speak English, and wears glasses. Physical appearance-wise, he is definitely my type. But not only that, LeeHom exudes an aura of innocence and humility. He speaks his mind, but is always polite, he’s funny and sweet, and he’s really down-to-earth. Those are the kinds of personalities I find really attractive in a guy.

I had a friend before who was really into Jay Chou (周杰伦), and I couldn’t understand why she was so into him, besides the fact that my Mandarin at that time was really poor. Now though, I am starting to understand her feelings.

Unlike most other fans, I cannot say I am obsessed. Most of what I know comes from reading about him on wikipedia and whatever source I might find, as well as listening to his music (and trying to understand what the Chinese words mean),  and the few months that I’ve come to realize how attracted to him and his music I am. I barely know him compared to other fans, but it doesn’t mean that my admiration and respect for him is any less. Looking back at when it started though, it must have been when I went to visit my friend Jerry back when I was living in Beijing, and he had the music channel on. I heard LeeHom’s “春雨里洗过的太阳” (The sunshine washed by the spring rain) and just loved how the music flowed so well, besides it being catchy and nothing too exuberant. I loved it so much that I sang it for my speaking class when we went KTV-ing for our midterms.

I know I should have done this more seriously back when I was still in High School – find a Chinese singer that I really liked and translate their songs into English, or at least use their songs to inspire me to do better in Chinese. But as they say, it’s never too late to start anything, and it’s never too late to fall in love. And so, recently, I listen to Lee Hom’s music and slowly, step by step, try to understand what he’s singing…though I sometimes need the use of my dictionary.

He’s quite amazing though. Musically talented and he speaks Chinese so well. I wonder how he got to become so good in speaking Mandarin, even though he grew up in the US. Unless his parents spoke to him in Mandarin at home, but still, I can only hope that my Mandarin improves more and more, just like him.

Oh my, I am hopelessly in love. I even had a dream of him recently, where we accidentally met on the street and became good friends, and even fell in love. Of course, it all felt so real in the dream (especially since I did meet him by accident – in the dream), that I woke up wanting to go back to sleep. Well, as they say in Tagalog, libre lang naman mangarap, which just means that dreaming doesn’t cost you a thing (so keep dreaming/wishing).

Time to go back to my dreams and to my hopes that I can dream about Wang Lee Hom again.

王力宏,我爱的就是你!

 

My perfect Mr. Imperfect

Sometimes I just like to add links to my sidebar but forget to actually go through the sites, even the ones that belong to friends. And yes, I don’t exactly know how RSS feeds go, but I think I’d be too lazy to actually go through all the blogs I would subscribe to, which makes me wonder if you guys sometimes tire of reading my blog, and I can’t help but wonder how many other blogs you read besides mine…or how many other blogs do you subscribe to besides mine.

Anyway, I went to my college friend’s blog and discovered this among her posts. I’ll share it below..

One day I hope to meet an imperfect man who will seem perfect to me from time to time.

He will not be the best I have ever met, but he will be great when I need him to be. He will hold my hand when we cross the street and make sure I stay on the safe side of the road. He will kiss me goodnight before I go to sleep, and he will kiss me torridly when I don’t want to sleep. He will wake me up with a pat on my leg and once in a while surprise me with breakfast in bed. He will argue with me, taunt me, frustrate me, but he will also let me win without having to tell me.
He will cradle me when I need to be babied, respect me when I need to feel big, and scold me when I make a big mistake. He will sing to me when quiet makes me lonely, and remain quiet when noise makes me mad. He will not always read me correctly, but he will always make his best guess. His timing will often be off when calculating my moods, but when he does find that perfect moment, he will make it one that I will never forget.
He will touch me when my heart is cold and cool me down when my head is hot. He will see through my Tupperware expressions and detect my tears before they fall. He will understand many things I am saying with my eyes, but sometimes he will pretend he doesn’t see them at all. He will hurt me time and again, but he will ask to be forgiven just as often. He will lose his temper because he is human, but he will always strive to become a better man.
He will falter and fall and make mistakes, but he will also rise above himself. He will hold open a door for me, although sometimes he will forget. He will order me around, but will bow when I resist. He will take me to a bar, dance with me, go wild with me, but he will also escort me to the theater to watch a play he never really wanted to see.
He will go shopping with me, but he will roll his eyes only when I am inside the fitting room, not when I can see him. He will stand by me at the cosmetics corner, and pretend he’s not bothered by the shade of purple I am trying on. He will laugh at me, not just with me, to remind me not to take myself too seriously.
He will tell me the whole truth when I am ready for it, but he will be ready with his half-truths when that’s what I should hear. He will make me realize that I need him, but only up to half as much as he needs me. He will make me admit that I want him, but only after he professes how he feels about me. He will bring out the best and the worst in me, but he will stick with me always.
One day I will meet an imperfect man. He will love me, and I will love him wholeheartedly.

Source: http://opinion.inquirer.net/17713/mr-imperfect

As a child, most girls long to find their Prince Charming, the perfect guy who will sweep them off their feet, do their every whim and fancy, and all those other things that come with being Mr. Perfect. But as maturity and experience teaches us, no one is ever perfect. What’s more, if you think finding Mr. Perfect is hard, finding Mr. Normal is even harder. Finding that one normal guy who has both faults and good qualities, that one guy who is willing to give-and-take while being in a relationship with you, who respects you and treats you the way you should be treated….THAT is DIFFICULT. Also, finding someone who is willing to look at the imperfect you and love it, that’s the most important thing.

I want to find a guy who is not perfect and without fault, but the guy who is perfect and most well-suited for me.

Oh woah is the me who wishes my dreams can defy reality.

Love is a flawed feeling

I found this while browsing through my deviantart gallery. It was something I wrote way back in Feb 2007, when I was naive and stupid, but in some way correct. It’s so weird how I missed out on my own message. Life is strange that way, isn’t it?

Why is love a flawed feeling?

Usually, the one we love doesn’t love us back, and we hurt. But at the same time, we realize that there are people who like us in a way that we can’t reciprocate. And we try to avoid the situation but end up hurting the people who love us dearly. Why? It doesn’t seem to be a win-win situation. In the end, someone always gets hurt. What happens to the person if 2 people like them, and that person only likes one of them. It would be even more disastrous if the person doesn’t like both people who like him.

That’s gonna hurt. But people are only human, and we can’t force ourselves to love someone we don’t like in that way. No matter what happens, love can’t be forced.

Yet why..

It’s easier to fall in love than to fall out of love.

It’s really hard. No matter how hard you make yourself believe that you don’t love a person, there’s a certain feeling that always comes back that hinders you from forgetting that once upon a time, there was something. Forcing yourself into a facade of false feelings doesn’t help either. Doing so only makes you realize that it’s harder to let go, no matter how much you know the feeling won’t be reciprocated.

Love is so unfair. Sometimes, you know the feelings won’t be reciprocated but somewhere deep inside, you leave a spark of hope that one day, it will be returned. In the end, it doesn’t end that way, and the love isn’t returned. You end up getting hurt but there’s always a tendency to repeat the mistakes.

Is it fun to repeat mistakes that hurt so much? No matter how many times one falls into a hurtful relationship, the same thing is repeated over and over again, and the pain just doubles over each time.

We refuse to realize that we have something until it’s too late.

People around you see it. Everyone realizes it, but since you’re so desperately in love with someone else (or you believe yourself to) you fail to realize what’s in front of you. Denying is the most common thing, and admitting that nothing will never happen. But in the end, you realize, there was something there all along. Yet, it’s too late.

Some would say that it was better to have said it earlier, but is it worth jeopardizing your friendship? It’s only when you realize that your relationship is very important, that you come into the light. But is it worth it? Is it worth risking everything that you have, and everything your friendship has been built on? Maturity may not apply to everyone and what if at the end of it all, you lose that friendship that you hold so dear.

It goes two ways.

But the saddest thing is realizing that what you thought was there was not really there, and there was something important that was there first but you subconsciously pushed it into the deepest part of your heart and mind.

Everything really comes too late. Falling into conformity is such a hard thing. You praise yourself for not conforming, but you end up realizing that you begin to conform. Whoever said Ignorance is Bliss was right. It’s better not knowing society’s ways, so that you don’t have a chance to change what was originally there.

And in conforming, you subconsciously push away the truth and eventually forget it until you realize it later on, when it’s too late. But by then, there’s someone else. It’s something you can’t change. Realizing that what you felt for the person was the original truth, and not something that formed in your mind when you found out about what others thought. It’s yours and yours alone, unbiased and honest.

So.. what is it really?

Was what you felt ever love at all? It seems to be that what you thought was a mature way of falling was really nothing at all. Was the feeling just something that you unconsciously forced yourself to believe or was it ever really love. It makes you wonder what happened in those past few months. A fabricated lie that weaved in and out of the heart……

It’s all so confusing.

Love is truly flawed. Humanly flawed….

(c) Christa Uymatiao