Till next time, Sean.

People pass away every day. It’s not such a big deal until it happens to people you know, and it happens to people to whom you expect it least of all to happen to.  It’s sad really how things worked out the way they did. I can’t get over how everything has happened so far. It all seems so unrealistic. Even if you pinch me, I’d still think I was dreaming. It’s really unfair.

I try to tell myself the same thing my mom used to tell me when my cousin passed away at 26, God has a mission for everyone and once that mission is finished, God calls us back. I know it’s just wishful thinking to think that way, a way to try to escape from the fact that someone I know has actually passed away…but to some extent it does make me feel better. And as I’ve realized long ago, God usually takes the good ones away first. The good ones die young, leaving us to wonder why on earth they had to be taken away first. But who are we to choose when our time is over. Our life is in God’s hand, and as He had giveth, only He can taketh away.

Yet as time passes by, I cannot still but wonder WHY.

Things you don’t expect hit you hard the most. They aren’t like those situations where you’ve prepared yourself for days and weeks for the inevitable to happen. They just strike you out of the blue, and you fall….and while on the ground you weep and you cry and you wonder about all the what ifs and then eventually you have to get back on your feet and live the rest of your life with some part of yourself that goes missing. And as the years pass, and you get to meet more people, that missing part grows smaller ad smaller, but it never really goes away.

Anyway, right now I have to stay strong for the sake of my other friends who are tying to deal with this too. I am not alone.

And when you think about it, it’s not really goodbye. It’s just, “Till next time”.
Till the next 50-60years when we’ll see each other again.

Thank you Sean for having been my friend. Though we didn’t talk a lot in the last few years and I didn’t have a chance to visit you during your (unexpected) last few hours, you were with me during the rough patch of our first years of puberty. You defended me, encouraged me, and made me laugh.  I may not have appreciated what you did for me 10 years ago, and it’s probably too late to say thank you now, but if there’s a chance you can hear me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I hope and pray that God has taken you by His hand and you watch over us all who now grieve over your passing. You were and had always been a great and kind guy. You weren’t quick to judge anyone, and you had an understanding heart and a patient ear. I hope that from wherever you are up there, you have a great view of us all who love you dearly.

This isn’t goodbye Sean. I’ll see you again. Maybe soon, or maybe in the distant future. But till then, please watch over us. Till next time, Sean. I love you.

Also, found this poem on the web and posted this to my Google+ when I first heard the news. It’s a poem by Mary Frye….

Do not stand
at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds
that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the
morning’s hush
I am the soft uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that
shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there.
I did not die.


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