With finals finally done with, I am now decidedly faced with a question. Beijing, is this goodbye? Having finished one year (2 semesters) at Tsinghua, it’s time to face reality and go home. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been pondering the same dilemma over and over again.
A few weeks ago, I was surprised when my dad, out of the blue, called to ask me if I wanted to extend another semester. So many thoughts crossed my mind at that one time. What would it mean to continue one more semester. What about going home and bonding with friends and family. What would happen to my plans for the future. Yadda yadda. I’ve told friends and my dad that I’ll be going home, in fact…my plane ticket home is already finalized. Yet part of me can’t imagine the thought of going home. Not that I’ve not missed my friends and family or anything like that, in fact..there are times where I often get homesick and wonder what it would be like to be home, yet part of me loves being away from Manila and the familiar environment. Now, having lived in Beijing for a year, which seems like both a short and long time, part of me wonders if I can just go back to being home.
If only answers were as easy as one’s future being shown to a person. Having to decide, whether to stay or go, or to continue or to move, things like that….it’s really quite stressful. I’m so used to living in Beijing, I don’t know how I’m going to go back to my old routine. At least in China, I have an excuse to get away from everything, and a purpose to being here. But being back home, it now seems like such a tiresome thing…a redundant routine.
Things, are just really simple but exaggeratedly over-rated. But I guess, each person has this sort of moment in their life where a simple yes and no would do. Yet for things like this, there are so many things one has to consider. This paranoid worry-wart me is freaking out, yes?