Beijing, is this goodbye?

With finals finally done with, I am now decidedly faced with a question. Beijing, is this goodbye? Having finished one year (2 semesters) at Tsinghua, it’s time to face reality and go home. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been pondering the same dilemma over and over again.

A few weeks ago, I was surprised when my dad, out of the blue, called to ask me if I wanted to extend another semester. So many thoughts crossed my mind at that one time. What would it mean to continue one more semester. What about going home and bonding with friends and family. What would happen to my plans for the future. Yadda yadda. I’ve told friends and my dad that I’ll be going home, in fact…my plane ticket home is already finalized. Yet part of me can’t imagine the thought of going home. Not that I’ve not missed my friends and family or anything like that, in fact..there are times where I often get homesick and wonder what it would be like to be home, yet part of me loves being away from Manila and the familiar environment. Now, having lived in Beijing for a year, which seems like both a short and long time, part of me wonders if I can just go back to being home.

If only answers were as easy as one’s future being shown to a person. Having to decide, whether to stay or go, or to continue or to move, things like that….it’s really quite stressful. I’m so used to living in Beijing, I don’t know how I’m going to go back to my old routine. At least in China, I have an excuse to get away from everything, and a purpose to being here. But being back home, it now seems like such a tiresome thing…a redundant routine.

Things, are just really simple but exaggeratedly over-rated. But I guess, each person has this sort of moment in their life where a simple yes and no would do. Yet for things like this, there are so many things one has to consider. This paranoid worry-wart me is freaking out, yes?

现在的我要考虑,离开北京或者回国或换城市。有很多好处和烦恼的事情,不是一些简单的情况。我怎么办决定。这是我的未来?这是对我的梦想有好处?时间,你能不能停吗?时间不够,要决定的事多,喜欢的事也多。我真的不想离开我习惯的环境,也不喜欢松开我的独立和朋友。为什么这些学期完的很快?

我要考虑很多事。。。

Advertisements

5 comments on “Beijing, is this goodbye?

      • Ancient reply is ancient. Sorry, Qisi.

        I wouldn’t call it necessarily matured per se. Not that it’s incorrect, but the phenomenon is more like a combo of maturing, experiencing, and standing on your own two feet. You’ve been in the comfort of your family for 20+ years and when you experience something without them next to you, your views just kinda readjust and you see things differently from there on out.

        I’m not sure if that’s what you went through, but it’s something everybody has to experience at least once to “grow up” in a way.

        The one thing I felt was you have certainly “grown” while on your Beijing adventures, but now that you’re back in Manila, it’s like you’ve reverted back to the “old” you.

  1. This comment will look out of the blue (and it most likely is), but I can tell you that I can really relate to this dilemma because my life’s now heading in that direction. To share my story about this, thus elaborating further, I…

    I am not from the Philippines. I was born and raised as an American. Due to certain circumstances, however, I was sent to the Philippines to finish my college studies when I was nineteen (almost three years ago). Of course, my mom and I argued for years about this issue: her wanting me to pursue my studies there while I refused to. Until I somehow gave in almost three years ago. And thus, where I am now.

    So now, here I am, a college senior who is still considered an irregular student due to missing subjects as I’ve enrolled late in my freshman year. And the only way for me to catch up is by summer classes and the likes to help me move forward.

    But now, as graduation looms near, I’m still making difficult decisions concerning my life after college. Should I return to the US, pursue my Masters straightaway while looking for work? Or should I stay in the Philippines a little longer by putting work experience under my belt as soon as I graduate, so I can be able to fill in something for my resume once I go back to the US for good? Then again, my mom says that whether I want to stay in the Philippines or New York is my choice. It’s always been my choice, that kind of thing will be so final when graduation is official.

    Sorry for rambling so much… My point is that I want to tell you that you’re not alone making these kinds of decisions. Especially when it’s going to affect your life in some way or another that you don’t know. But remember that there are no guarantees and nothing is certain. The future is of uncertainty and it’s open to endless possibilities.

    • Hey there Alice, thanks for sharing your comment. It’s uplifting to know I’m not the only person dealing with these kinds of life-changing decisions. I wish you the best with your own decision-making process as well. If you’re religious, maybe you can pray for a sign to help you.

      The way I see it, if you see yourself permanently living in the US in the future, then staying in the Philippines a little bit longer will serve as invaluable experience. Especially with job-hunting being such a problem nowadays, experience (even in the Philippines) can prove to be beneficial when finding work in the future. My mom would always tell me that doing work before going for one’s Masters is important because a lot of what deal with in your Masters course requires some sort of work experience.

      And definitely, there are no guarantees in life. Sometimes though, I wish it were easy to just know that the future has promise and that all the worry and stress of today will be something one can laugh about in the future. 🙂

      Again, thanks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s