Fearing the finality

After being asked countless instances if I had a thesis class, my answer has always been a “I don’t think so” or “I don’t know”. On the second day of classes, while on my way to my Research Methods class, I found out that that class was in fact my thesis class. Oh boy. So much for not worrying so much about my thesis for the first semester.  In addition to that, the clarification I got from reading the syllabus for class is that it’s more of a pre-thesis thesis class, than a simple thesis class. For that one hour and a half of our first meeting, I’ve already seen a glimpse of what that class entails, which is work research work.

I’m sort of scared, I guess. I have no idea what to write for my thesis, and this semester is going to be really important because our homework 2 weeks from now requires me to take seriously, what thesis topic I’ll be considering, seeing as we’ll begin collecting info as early as now.

Scary, freaky, scary. This is one glimpse of being a senior that I really hate, writing and researching for my thesis. Every time an adult mentions college, they always look back and mention their dissertation, their thesis, their last paper, etc. It always manages to make me insecure, how one can research and decide on any one topic, the one topic that sort of defines your college life’s work. If only my major wasn’t in it’s first “official” graduation year, in other words, this is the first time that anyone from our course is graduating since the course was created as a major while in my second year. If only we weren’t the first batch, I’d have some idea from previous theses as to what to write.

Oh well. I just have to deal with the workload, and the fear. Oh plus working for the yearbook. What I once thought to be an almost stress-free last year at university, will in fact be the total opposite.

This is me, fearing the finality of what all that I’m doing, means and will become. The final-ity of my last year in university.


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